Perpetual Boredom

ianthe:

headup-billybuddy:

the-future-mrs-solo:

whatheballs:

shavingryansprivates:

i hate the phrase “life is short” because life is literally the longest thing that any of us will ever experience

unless you experience my penis

I just choked on my food.

that’s not the only thing you’ll choke on

Hahaha

(Source: shavingryansprivates)

PUMA is out of moves!
PUMA used STRUGGLE!
It failed!!!

How do I entertain myself?

keep your friends close, but your enemies closer

like really, very close

intimately close 

so close that you can feel your enemies breath on your neck

and you shiver with hatred and… anticipation? 

turn around and look deep into your enemies eyes, letting your gaze drag down to their lips, your eyes intense with desire. push your enemies up against the wall.

make out with your enemies.

your friends, who are still close, are super uncomfortable and kinda grossed out

(Source: romangodfrey)

Who don’t consider waking up the worst part of their day. When I wake up I’m hungry, tired, thirsty, I have to piss badly, I have a headache from grinding my teeth, I’m half blind (that’s just me), I smell horrible, I am inexplicably horny, I’m sad because I am in the real world, I’m cranky for all of the reasons listed above and five days out of the week I’m only waking up because I have to go to work.

If your day gets worse after that, I’m deeply sorry for you, and you should probably move away from whatever war zone you live in.

I was just left unsupervised with twenty million dollars and didn’t steal it.

The kind that you find in a secondhand store.